Sirius Black (sirius1981) wrote in trousersoftime,
Sirius Black
sirius1981
trousersoftime

Who: She!Sirius, Evan, and Blaise
When: Thursday Afternoon, after Evan and Blaise's chat
Where: Diagon Alley, outside of Gringotts
What: Evan and Blaise bump into She!Sirius, on his/her way to Gringotts. Most unfortunately.
Rated: PG-13 for lanaguage





Evan half smiles as he looks down to you, thinking how much older he is and how when he was 16 his life had barely begun yet he had already taken on so many responsibilities as a man. Becoming a Death Eater for one thing; killing and attending meetings and taking onimportant tasks. He also practiced the art of procreation -- though luckily for him, of the many women he rooted, nothing was created.Sighing lightly, he nods ahead of them, looking towards the Leaky Cauldron. "I may buy you a drink or two... Depending if anyone cares or not," he laughs softly, but the laughter gradually fades as he notices a figure in the distance. A woman's figure.

Blaise brightens a bit at the mention of drinks. Alcohol seemed great considering the week he was having, really. "Sounds good, too," he laughs a bit, quieting when he spots what you're looking at. A woman? Blaise thinks Evan's an ace soliciwizard and a really great all around guy, but perhaps maybe a skoach one-track minded. "Who's that?"

Sirius - with breasts firmly in tow - tries to seem as womanly as possible as he (she? bloody hell) makes his way towards Gringotts. He looks like a woman - okay, is a woman, at the moment -
and has to pretend to be comfortable in this new body, so as not to alert anyone he's ever met in his entire life to his new (TEMPORARY) status among the female gender. After much reluctance on his part, he's wearing an old shirt of his that he shrunk when attempting to use a Muggle washing machine thing, and a skirt that must've belonged to Lily at one time or
another. His hair, much to his annoyance, is significantly longer, and reminds him of Bellatrix's when she was younger (which really turns his stomach). Although the most infuriating thing about it all is that he's short. Or shorter than he was. At least his breasts are fantastic.

Evan shrugs, he doesn't have a clue who this is but she has very nice breasts. "I don't know, but from where I'm standing, her body seems to be in check." He looks down to Blaise and winks. "But I haven't seen her face yet. Hopefully it'll go with the rest of her body," he nudges the boy playfully as he casually walks towards the woman. She soon comes into clearer view and she does indeed have a pretty face to go with her girlish figure. "Afternoon," he says to the woman with a curt nod, grinning wickedly.

Blaise hums in agreement, watching the woman move as well. She did have a fantastic rack, whoever she was. He pauses only briefly when Evan heads off towards her, rolling his eyes half-heartedly before following behind. They were supposed to be getting him drunk, not flirting with some dodgy bird. But hey, she had nice boobs. It was a nice distraction if there ever was one.

Sirius blinks, startled when someone greets him. Someone with that familiar voice... Ohgodpleasenononoletmedierightnowpleasegod. With mouting horror he looks up (even moreso than usual, fucking spell!) into the eyes of... Evan bloody sodding fucking Rosier. The same Evan bloody sodding fucking Rosier who was attempting to hit on him. As hard as he tries to tell Evan to go fuck himself, the words catch him his throat, and he flounders quite helplessly, eyes wide and mouth open. It's a rather attractive look, but Sirius at the moment is more concerned with feebly attempting to cover his impressive chest.

Evan can't help the wicked smile from stretching across his features, the same smile that he uses on nearly every girl to lure them in. Because he is quite handsome and his smile usually makes girls melt. "All right, doll?" He asks as his eyes inspect every curve of the woman's body, approving of it. Not one of the best he's seen, but good enough in his book. "Don't open your mouth unless you're going to put something in it," he adds with a wink. She is standing on at the edge of the bank steps.. Not exactly a corner, but a place to keep a low profile nonetheless.. Evan's seen those girls try this once before.

Blaise shifts from foot to foot, feigning boredness. However, he's actually paying attention. Very good attention. Possibly taking mental notes on Evan's technique. But if he ever called Millicent 'doll', she'd probably wallop him into next Tuesday. Ugh, Millicent. Not supposed to be thinking about her. He mutters something to himself before looking at Evan's current object of affection (which is not him and he's not drunk yet and he's not forgotten about Millicent and it's annoying him damnit!) with a placid smile. He'd just stand here and play dumb and look cute, he figured. Much like a puppy almost, but if this bird started cooing and scratching him behind the ears there could be a problem.

It's the 'doll' bit that finally prompts Sirius into action. He shuts his mouth with a snap, blinks once, twice... and then slaps Evan across the face. "Don't you ever call me that!" he shrieks, inwardly wincing at how feminine his voice sounds. "You stupid sodding arse! All I want to do is get to the bank, but no! Of course I have to run into you! There is no god! There is no sodding bloody god! Why me?? What have I done to deserve your abuse, non-existant god?" he shouts, waving his arms up at the sky,
which probably isn't a good idea, as he's not currently wearing a bra of any sort. "And if you mention anything in my mouth one more time, I'll fucking bite it off, Rosier!"

Evan's head jerks violently to the side at violent slap to his face. He shakes his head a bit and looks back to the short woman -- her strength is quite impressive for a bird this size. Not to mention, her attitude seems very familiar. The words, the action, the threat... His name! "How do you know my name?!" He questions as a very screwed up and confusing expression take over his face.

Blaise's eyes widen at this bird's sudden outburst. Trust his boss to always pick the insane ones. Although he can't help himself from watching her jubblies bounce all willy-nilly when she flails around. He bites his lip and looks away towards the ground, trying not to laugh at Evan's reaction. He really did not want to wash all the office windows by hand again.

"How do I - how do I know your name?! You daft fucking idiot!" Sirius snaps. His attention is caught by Blaise, who is giving his poor bosom appreciative looks, and he hastily wraps his arms around himself, glaring at everyone and everything. "Get your little sod to stop looking at m'breasts! They're sensitive," he adds, hissing this last part quietly. "I need a drink! No, no, I need someone to kill me! Please, Rosier, just do it! Kill me! I beg you!"

Evan is more than confused. He's down right lost and thinking that either he or this bird has lost it completely. "I am not daft! The only person daft around here is you!! I don't know who the hell you are, lady!" He looks over at Blaise and realises where the boy is looking
to -- in which Evan can't help but look over as well then laugh softly and just shakes his head. "Careful with those things.. I don't know much about them, but you might want to invest in a bra... Lift and seperate.. Well, that's what my wife always says anyway." But Evan shakes his head suddenly, "oy! Who are you?!"

His eyebrows raise when she goes off on a tirade about him looking at her breasts. A bit embrassed he was caught, he clears his throat and adjusts his bag on his shoulder and runs a hand through his hair. "And maybe you shouldn't jump around so much, either," he says finally, smirking at the completely batshit insane girl in front of them. "You remind me of my Divination teacher." Blais eblurts out without thinking about it. But she did.. although Trelawney did not have breasts like those, no sir.

Sirius, in a fit of rage, stands on his tip toes, grabs Evan's head, and jams it quite uncomfortable in his ample cleavage. "Is this being careful?!" he shrieks, outraged at his treatment. He's Sirius Bloody Black, not some dimwitted woman! Shoving Evan away he scowls, crossing his arms over his chest again. "I didn't have a bra, okay?! All I had is this shirt and Lily's fucking skirt,
and I had to go to work and hell I don't need this right! Today's been bad enough as it is! I don't know about you, but when I wake up with a faceful of breasts and they don't belong to someone else, something is Very. Fucking. Wrong!"

Evan is standing there, stunned, shocked, surprised, amused, dazed, amazed and not so confused anymore. He's staring at the ground --
his face was just in the chest of another woman and while this wouldn't typically be a problem for him, he hasn't done been in another bird's breasts, that was not his wife's, for years now. He takes a minute to catch his breath, running his fingers through his hair as begins to piece everything together. With a sudden jolt of his head, he looks over to Sirius, his jaw dropping open as he stares. "Black...?" His expression is stuck on 'shock' and he can't seem to erase it as he stares at Sirius in wonder. He continues to let his eyes trail up and down the other man's body... "What in the bloody hell?"

At the mention of 'Black', Blaise's eyebrows draw together in confusion. He'd remembered Evan and him having a conversation about Sirius Black after what had happened to Draco, but.. "This is Sirius Black? Your best mate?" he blinks, looking doubtful. "D'you two do this often or is this a new thing?" He grins, taking a step back to look at both of them. His boss really did associate with the most interesting people.

"Of course!" Sirius snaps, impatiently. He suddenly has the urge to get a large bar of chocolate and sulk while he eats it. "Who else would I be?" He shakes his head at Blaise's response, unable to figure out who the kid is, but come on now. "This is obviously a new thing!" he adds irritably. "Where've you been, kid? I'm known for my looks, but this is ridiculous!"

Evan takes one long and sweeping side step behind Blaise then covers the boy's eyes with his hand. "No! This is not the Sirius Black I grew up with.." he trails off, still very much astonished and rather scared. "Who else would you be?! Have you looked at yourself, Black? You're a bloody bird!" And that's when Evan gasps, his jaw dropping open once again. "You don't... get those monthly... whatevers, do you?" He asks, very intruiged as he pulls Blaise closer to him as if trying to protect him from a disease that has plagued his best mate suddenly -- his hand still covering the boy's eyes.

Blaise can't help but laugh when Evan's hand covers his eyes. Oh, this was a trip. Far better than getting smashed with Evan at this point. He brings a hand up and pries at Evan's fingers, trying to remove them from his face. "And where did you get a pair like that? Doesn't seem like the kind of thing one keeps around in a sockdrawer," he snickers, finally managing to push Evan's hand up above his eyes.

"No!" Sirius gasps, holding a hand up to his mouth in mock horror. "I'm a woman? How could I have possibly left the house without knowing I NO LONGER HAD TACKLE?!" he shouts, startling several people on the street. He shakes his head vehemently, long black hair swaying. "How the fucking hell should I know?! This is a new development, you ignorant prick! Oh god, I think I'm going to hyperventilate! And if you," he hisses, turning on Blaise, "even so much as think about my beautiful breasts, I will kill you."

Evan slides his hand back down to cover Blaise's eyes once again. "Shove it, Black! I had no idea who you were because you look
completely different, you ponce! I did hit on you, I had no idea who the fuck you were!!" He makes a face as though he's going to be sick and just looks away himself, "I fucking hit on you... Oh, for Salazaar's Sake..." he trails off and regains his composure so that he can look Sirius in the eye again. "Don't talk to Blaise like that! He's a young boy! I know you knew that once felt like..." at that, Evan can't help but snort and surpress any laughter that is just aching to come out right now.

Blaise opens his mouth to respond when Evan's hand comes down on his eyes again, restricting his view of Sirius. He snorts at the mention of him being a young boy. He's 16, he's bloody well not a young boy! He crosses his arms, not exactly quite sure what to do in this surreal situation, but perhaps if he stands still and doesn't make any sudden movements Evan will actually let him, you know, see again.

"You don't have any right to make jokes!" Sirius snaps, positively outraged. "You're the one who hit on me! Sodding poof!" He makes a noise of deep frustration and glances around for a quick escape. "I have to get out of here. I have to! I'm going to go mad! Mad, I tell you, mad!"

"I'd say that you're already mad," Evan says with arched brow and smiling, still trying not to laugh. He finally lets go of Blaise, taking his hand off of his eyes. Casually he steps over to Sirius and places an arm around his shoulders. "Don't be so uptight, Siri." He knows Sirius hates that name and before he can do anything, Evan slaps him in the arse. Hard. Then quickly steps away, holding his hands up in defense, laughing.

Finally glad to see again, Blaise grins at the scene playing out. Oh this was so much better than just sitting in a pub, now that he though about it. He looks stunned at Evan when he pops Sirius one on the arse. Best friends or not there's just some things one doesn't do. "Perhaps I should go and let you two work out your obvious.. problems," he says, clearing his throat and adjusting his bag on his shoulder.

Sirius is shocked when Evan smacks his (shapely) arse, indignant, upset, and bloody mad as well. He opens his mouth with every intention of telling him off, and makes a move to attack, but startles himself by... bursting into tears. "You don't understand!" he sobs, flailing his arms dramatically. "It's so hard being a woman!" An older woman passing by shouts "yes it is! Take a listen to this young one, you horrible men!" Sirius' bottom lip trembles even more. "See?" he asks pitifully, still crying. "She understands what it's like to get hands up your skirt when you're just trying to go to the store! She understands what it's like to have men oggling your breasts whenever you move, and saying things like they're thirsty, can they have some bloody milk! It's insane! Mad! Oh god, my mascara's running!"

To say that Evan is worried would be a understatement. He's had to deal with this plenty of times, thanks to his wife. However, she
only acted this way once a month... when her friend paid a visit. Sighing softly, he steps back over to Sirius and gently pulls him into a hug. "I didn't mean to act the way I did," he says sincerly. "I was a prick, I know..." he trails off, having done this so many times that it's become routine for him. Anything to keep her quiet, calm and remotely happy -- which is no easy task for a man.

Perhaps Blaise was on drugs. His employer was coddling his supposed best mate who woke up as a bird, and he was standing here watching it. "I'm sorry about what I say too," he mutters, grimacing at this little show that reminded him of those stupid books Pansy was always reading. "..and I promise not to oogle your chest anymore," he nods resolutely, wondering where the hell reality went.

When Evan pulls him into a tug, Sirius wails into his shoulder, his body trembling. It's really all quite dramatic. "I.. I.. my hormones," he cries. "I can't... stop this... At breakfast... dropped my toast and.. and.. cried for an hour!" He sniffles pathetically, not caring about the scene they're making. All that matters is strong arms and that soothing voice (even if the man is still a sodding bastard). "I need help! I need Remus! I need a hot bubble bath!"

Evan sighs heavily and just strokes Sirius' back soothingly, keeping the man in his arms, but not at all happy about the crying on his shoulder -- it's making his shirt wet. "You may as well go, Blaise... I need to get Sirius home to Remus..." he rolls his eyes, but so Sirius can't see it though Blaise can. "I'll see you tomorrow kid... And you can get cronked then," he says with a slight grin. "Sirius, I'll take you home.. okay?"


Blaise winces at Sirius' shrieking. Ugh, he'd certainly had enough of this and was ready to bolt and was relieved when Evan said he could go. He nods, giving Sirius a mixed look. "All right, see you tomorrow," he mumbles, pulling his bag higher onto his shoulder and edging away from the weepy man-girl and his boss.
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