When: Tuesday Night
Where: GP 'Hospital'
What: Sirius wakes up again, and Remus tries to cope.
Remus closes his journal with a frown. Bastard. Rat bloody bastard, he thinks angrily and glances over at your peaceful face. You wouldn't lie to me, he thinks firmly, reaching out to touch your cheek lightly. "You wouldn't," he whispers. "Peter doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about." He's not going to let Peter do this again and he swears, he's going to kill him...just as soon as you're okay again. If you're ever okay again, his traitorous mind adds.
Sirius stirs just a little when you reach out and touch his cheek. He (very) slowly begins to open his eyes, which in itself is a very good thing; he's woken up in pain, every time he's woken up since being brought here, and the fact that he seems okay this time is quite good. His eyes are unfocused, but after he blinks some sleep
from them it gets a little better.
Remus is wary as he watches your eyes open, but this time it isn't characterised by the pain that has plagued you so far. He doesn't speak, knowing better than that by now, and instead moves closer, his fingers still gently caressing your cheek. He smiles, his eyes still sad, but he is happy to see you awake again.
Sirius smiles back at you, feeling quite groggy and rather out of it, still, but he's aware enough to recognise the sincerity of your smile. That and he seems to vaguely recognise you, his look a little more there than it was before. You're the one always
with him, he thinks, the one who's always nice to him.
Remus is afraid to get his hopes up at the look in your eyes today. It seems to him that you are a bit more 'there' today, but that's probably just wishful thinking. His hand cups your cheek, thumb stroking your skin as he moves closer again, pulling his chair along with him. He's so scared right now, and Peter's comments aren't
helping his state of mind right now. He fervently wishes that you would remember everything so he could talk to you about it, be reassured by you. But he feels so selfish thinking that. Here you are, helpless and he wants you to comfort him.
Sirius continues to smile at you, idly tilting his head into your touch as you cup his cheek and stroke your thumb over his skin. That feels nice. He yawns a little and and sweeps his tongue across his bottom lip before he gazes around the room, idly taking in his surroundings. Nothing too exciting there. With another yawn he looks back at you, giving you another smile.
Remus' eyes never leave your face, and if it wasn't for the fact that you don't remember him, he would think about how adorable you look right now. He can't exactly move any closer to you, but he desperately needs to be near you. Your reaction to his touch is promising and he hopes you won't mind what he is about to do. He
smiles and slips off his shoes and crawls up onto the bed beside you, precariously poised on the edge. He drapes his arm across your chest and rests lightly against you. He reaches up to caress your other cheek this time and smiles at you, hoping this is as reassuring for you as it is for him. He can smell you so much better now, and that, combined with your solid warmth beside him is far better than anything else right now.
Sirius blinks when you crawl up onto the bed beside him, not quite sure what's going on. He automatically tenses, but once you reach up and caress his cheek he relaxes. This is nice, this is even nicer than it was before. He sighs and lies beside you, liking yourreassuring warmth. In the back of his mind, he remembers this, remembers your familiar scent, and he relaxes completely beside you.
Remus smiles when he feels you relax beside him. That's it, he thinks, not daring to speak and break this spell. It's okay. It's me, Remus. Remember me? You probably don't but it's okay. Well, it's not. But you know I'll always love you and take care of you, no matter what. He sighs and leans in to press his lips to your forehead. Love you. So fucking much. Please remember me, Sirius. I need you. I need to talk to you. I need you back.
Sirius closes his eyes, a genuine smile on his face when you kiss his forehead. When you pull back he opens his eyes to gaze at you again, tilting his head to get a better look. Doing something he hasn't done in over a week now, he reaches up and gently touches your cheek, mirroring the touch you gave him earlier, his smile still in place.
Remus gazes down at you, trying to maintain his smile, but gradually it fades and his expression is pleasant but vaguely sad. His eyes widen slightly when you move and as you touch his cheek, he can feel himself crumbling. He takes a deep breath but no matter what he does, he can't stop the tears that roll slowly down his face.
Sirius is startled to see your tears, and his smile disappears, a worried look appearing instead. He doesn't want you to be sad, not when you've been so nice to him. He touches your cheek again, this time gently wiping the tears from your face, not wanting them there,
Remus chokes on his tears, more falling as you gently wipe them from his face, wanting to beg you to come back to him and shake you until you finally come to your senses. He has no idea even if you're touching him because you want to or if you're just imitating what he has been doing to you.
Sirius looks confused now, not knowing why you're more upset than you were before. Wanting to cheer you up he gives you a tentative smile, still working to brush your tears away. You shouldn't be sad, not after being so nice for so long.
Remus swallows heavily, trying to get control of himself and not freak you out but it's difficult. He wants you back so badly and with everything else going on, it's affecting him more than usual. Now, the way you're touching him feels almost like you're taunting him with what he might never have again. "Please, Sirius," he pleads, his voice barely even a whisper.
Sirius frowns when you speak, not understanding. Sirius... So familiar it almost hurts. It does hurt. The different emotions, and the struggle to understand begins the now familiar build up of pain in his head. He winces, pulling his hand away from you to press it against his temple, trying to will the pain away.
Remus bites his lip, wishing he had controlled himself better as he watches you worriedly. I'm sorry, he thinks contritely, I didn't mean to. I just... I really want you back.
Sirius winces again, clenching his eyes shut in pain. "Oh god," he groans, speaking for the first time since his last attack. It hurts, it hurts so bloody much, and he can't stand it. "Stop... please... please," he whimpers, both hands pressing against his head now.
Remus doesn't know what to do. Should he get Poppy? He watches you worriedly and reaches up to lightly touch your cheek. "It's okay," he whispers, figuring that you're already in pain but he hopes he isn't making it worse. "Love you."
Sirius jerks when you touch his cheek, his eyes flying open to gaze at you. "Remus," he murmurs, expression still pained, his hands still pressed to his temples. "Remus... god, please, make it stop."
Remus is startled when you say his name and he stares at you for a moment. "Re... yes," he says, shaking his head slightly. "I'm sorry, gorgeous, but there's nothing I can do...I could get Poppy?" He is almost holding his breath, wondering if this is it, if you're really back or if this is just another tease, and you'll fall
asleep at any moment.
"Just stop it," Sirius groans, his hands shaking as he presses them firmly against his temples. "Pleasepleaseplease." It's horrible; the pain, and the cruel fact that he only seems aware of himself and his surroundings when he's in such pain. "Remus," he whimpers again, feeling lost and confused and hurt and so many other
Remus smooths his fingers over your face, brushing your hair back and generally trying to be soothing and not make it worse. "I could get you a headache potion but that would be all. I'm sorry. But I'm so glad you know who I am finally."
Sirius pushes you away, after finally pulling one hand from his head. "Stop! Stop stop stop," he begs, his eyes beginning to tear up. "Oh god, please. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I couldn't stop, couldn't do anything, Harry, god, my fault,
please!" He's not making much sense, unable to stop the memories of what happened from tumbling out, and unable to stop the pain in his aching head.
Remus almost tumbles off the bed when you push him away but he catches himself just in time and stands up. His heart aches to see you in so much pain. "No, no," he says, sitting down again right beside you, reaching out to rub his hand gently over your chest, needing to do something in an attempt to soothe you. "It's not
your fault. You did everything you could and Harry is fine. He's back at Hogwarts."
Sirius calms a little when you say that Harry is fine, relief flooding through him, but that relief is short lived when the pain takes over again. He curls in on himself, crying softly now, despite his best efforts not to. His hands are back on his head, pressing against his temples as he inwardly begs and pleads for the
pain to stop. It's excruciating, as much as all the Crucio itself that started this.
Remus is torn, wanting so badly to get Poppy, but he isn't all that sure that she could do something anyway. Yesterday when he called her in, she tried her best but nothing worked. He continues to rub your chest and whisper how much he loves you and
needs you to just get through it. If it doesn't stop in the next few minutes though, he's going to get Poppy or take you to St Mungo's or drag a healer in here, secrecy be damned.
Sirius stays the way he is, curled in on himself, for a full minute or so longer. Finally - finally - the pain begins to disappear, although it's slow, and tears are still rolling down his cheeks. His body relaxes and he takes a few deep breaths, trying his best to get himself under control
Remus is pleased to see you relaxing and his hand moves up to gently brush the tears from your cheeks. "Oh god, Sirius. If I could take your place, I would," he murmurs to himself as he leans forward to wrap an arm around you and press another kiss to your forehead. "How are you feeling now?" he asks softly, wondering if he should still be silent.
"I don't... I..." Sirius begins, before he swallows thickly. He wants to be okay, wants to wake up and stay lucid, wants to get past all of this and be himself again. "Sore," he finally manages, having some difficulty speaking now. "Remus..."
Remus rubs your back gently, trying to soothe you. "I can get you a potion that should help." He presses another kiss to your forehead and stands up. In the cupboard by the door, he scans the shelves to find a pain reliever and finds them on the top shelf. Returning to your side, he pulls out the stopper. "You're going to have to sit up, sweetheart," he murmurs, moving closer to help you.
Sirius nods slowly at your suggestion, wary of causing another headache like the last. When you tell him he needs to sit up, he tries as best he can, struggling a little until he's upright. "Remus," he murmurs again, but doesn't say anything else. He's not quite sure if he could manage it at this point.
Remus moves to sit on the bed beside you, so you can lean against him, his arm wrapped around you to keep you steady. He raises the vial to your lips and watches anxiously as you swallow it down. Placing the empty vial on the nightstand, he continues to watch you. "Alright?"
Sirius coughs but manages to swallow the potion you've brought him, his eyes tearing up slightly. When he's done he moves to lie back down on the bed, feeling light headed and rather sleepy. He was beginning to feel off before the potion, and after it, it's making it hit even harder. "Remus," he murmurs, once again, although he says it more as a statement than a question, or something to lead into anything.
Remus helps you lie back down again and he moves back to his own chair, watching you worriedly. His fingers gently stroke your hair back off your face. "I'm here," he murmurs softly. "I'll always be here."
Sirius seems to relax as you stroke his hair off his face, sighing as he lets his eyes fall closed. He's tired and sore and wants to just drift... With another sigh he opens his eyes, looking somewhat unfocused again as he curls up around himself.
Remus keeps touching you gently, caressing here, stroking there, needing to feel close to you and keep that connection with you for as long as possible. "Sirius?" he says rather hesitantly, hoping that he is misinterpreting that familiar glazed look i your eyes.
The way you're touching him is so nice, so comforting and relaxing. It only serves to make him look even more unfocused and distant. When you say his name he does glance up at you, a small smile on his face. The name is familiar, and so are you.
Remus' heart is breaking as he recognises that painfully sweet look on your face, the one that says you recognise him, but only as the one who is always here with you, not as Remus, your husband of many years. "Sirius, I love you," he leans forward to murmur fervently before kissing your forehead, hoping that it will get through to you somehow. "But... I...." He breaks off, shacking his head as he is unable to make up his mind what to say.
Sirius closes his eyes when you kiss his forehead, opening them when you pull away to give you another smile. He can sense that what you're saying is important, but it's not making much sense to him right now. All he can really do is try to reassure you, and take the sad look off your face.
Remus smiles back sadly, his fingers brushing along your cheek. "Please don't go away forever," he pleads softly. "Just....come back. Soon. I need you. People need you, Sirius. Harry and James and Lily and I, we all love you so much and we need you more than anything. Rest now, but please keep fighting to get better." It probably doesn't mean much, but he feels better having said it.
Sirius just continues to smile softly at you, tilting his head into your touch. He yawns quietly and once you've finished speaking he closes his eyes again, settling down to sleep once more.
Remus can't believe that you can slip away so easily. He swallows heavily and continues to stroke your hair until he hears your breathing even out as you fall asleep. Then he leans back in his chair, hands clasped on his stomach and he sighs heavily, eyes on your face as he silently prays for these moments of lucidity to grow longer and longer.