Where: Snape's office
When: September 15th, after the fight with Millicent
What: Pansy goes in search of answers and Snape gets . . . a hug
Pansy stood outside of Snape's slighty ajar door taking deep breaths and trying not to freeze her face off with the ice on her lip. She knocked gently and poked her head in. "Professor Snape?" She asked cautiously. She hoped this wouldn't take long, she had prefect rounds, Draco had talked her into going even though she looked like a creature from another planet.
Severus was bent over a pile of Third Year essays on the various uses of Dragon's Blood in potions. "Come in," he scowled- at the prospect of meeting with you and at grading these absolute pieces of rubbish.
Pansy slid into the office and stood in the door way closing it behind her. "Good evening sir." She said unsure of how to start this at all. "I'm sorry we fought. But really . . . She did jump me! I was just defending myself!" She said trying to remain calm
Severus' frown deepened. The idiot child had the gall to copy an essay written by a student he had taught in a previous year. He carefully penned the word "Beyond Dreadful." This would provide some entertainment in his next Third Year combined Gryffindor Hufflepuff class. "Are you familiar with politics, Miss Parkinson?"
Pansy sighed and nodded. "Yes sir." She said not liking where this was going at all. In fact she despised where it was going. This was not going to end in her favour. she could already tell.
Severus pushed the essay aside and moved onto the next one. "Every society has its own hierarchy. Any House here at Hogwarts contains such a model. Where do you believe you stand now? Despite your position as a Prefect."
Pansy took a deep breath and looked down at the ground. "At the bottom, lower than that." She said quietly. As much as she knew it, she still hated to admit it. It made her feel lower than she already did. "Right?" She asked taking deep breaths so as not to get emotional.
Severus didn't look up at you. He dipped his quill into the inkwell. He busied himself with the essay for a few seconds, allowing the silence to penetrate the room. "What has history taught us of those who go against an established order before change is ready to be received?"
Pansy continued looking down at the ground thinking for a few moments. She didn't know how to voice anything, so it was her anger that took over. She lifted her head and stared at Snape looking down at his essays. "That they're bad people and deserve to get their skirts flipped up? Or called a whore? Or backed up into a bloody corner and grabbed and taunted by eight boys? Or that its okay to take a simple argument between girls and blow it out of proportion and turn it into a physical altercation? Or that it's okay for said person to get beat so badly that their best friend can't even look at them because its so horrible?" She said thinking about how bad Draco looked when she'd come to see him. She was getting more and more frustrated and her voice was raising more and more. She walked toward Snape's desk and put her hands down on the desk hard. "Or maybe that its okay to kill THREE people to get back at said person? Is that what it means? Excuse me Professor Snape but fuck them if they're not ready. They're the backwards ones!" She hollered starting to cry a bit but ignoring it.
Severus remained silent and emotionless as you ranted and raved. No. It was not fair or right. He never claimed anything to be either. He waited for you to finish and finally looked up to meet your gaze. He was sure his facial expression reveals nothing of what he felt inside. "Are you finished, Miss Parkinson?" he doesn't wait for you to answer. "One is only as strong as one's allies are affluent and as weak as one's enemies are numerous and efficient."
Pansy stared at him and fumed even more. "What is that supposed to mean?! You talk in these ridiculous things that are supposed to be helpful? Or smart?! And maybe I'm such a horrible lower human being that I'm too stupid to figure it out. But for once can you please say something that will make this better?! You're our head of house sir, not the head of the bastard patrol of Slytherin. You don't have to go back there every night and put up with it. So spare me the philosophy."
Severus got up from his seat and made his way around his desk. He takes up his wand laying next to the inkwell. With a murmured spell, he reduced your lips slightly- enough not to be noticed without deep study. "I cannot make it better. I cannot make it stop. My influence only extends so far as my support will allow. Intrigue is something that is engrained into the heart of the Salazar's House. It is a dangerous game but one we must all play. Intrigue is that which can break or make any Slytherin," he moved back toward his seat. "Contrary to what you think, I do know what it is like to endure constant humiliation and ridicule. That was my whole school career if I recall correctly."
Pansy watched him carefully and when she felt her lip stop throbbing a bit and wiped her face."Thank you." She said resisting the urge to hug him. She had a feeling he would use the wand to hex her if she tried to do that. "I understand that sir. I really do . . . But . . . Can you tell me what to do? Please? This fighting with Millicent, I helped egg that on, I had it coming I'm sure. That was a two way street, but everything else . . . I don't know what to do. I've been sleeping in the common room sir." She paused. "Well sir, maybe you can help me. Tell me, what did you do? Because I've spent all these years well . . . NOT being humiliated."
Severus' lips flattened out as he watched you. "Temperance and fortitude. Learn not to strike back immediately. Know when the battle is lost before it begins. They are goading you for an reaction. If they should find you to be lacking, they may just bore. Court favors and bid your time. You will not always be at the bottom. Probability dictates that an opportunity must present itself at one point." Ironic how he was offering advice he could barely follow to this day and some of which have led him down the wrong path. He only hoped she would heed these words and make better of them than he did. "Slytherin is the House of survivors. Prove that the Sorting Hat has not erred in its judgment of you, Miss Parkinson."
Pansy sighed and took a deep breath trying not to cry anymore, and failing a bit miserably. She ran her hand through her hair and nodded. "I understand sir. I can do it. I'm strong, it just . . . It hurts." She admitted chuckling a little at her stupidity. "I'm sorry." She said sighing. When he mentioned being a survivor she smiled a bit, and went against her better judgement and reached forward and hugged him. She couldn't help but wonder how long she would be living after this, but she couldn't help it. "I might have my moments sir, and I do care about people deeply, but I am still a Slytherin. Right?" She asked a bit nervously.
Severus' hand on his wand twitched with a hex hanging just off the tip of his tongue. He couldn't help himself. It was his natural reaction when someone should violate his personal space like so. He unwound her arms from him and placed some physical distance between them. His skin crawled at the mere thought of physical contact with another human being. "That is all the advice I have to give," he fixed a stern glare on her. "Your detention remains. Five points from Slytherin for inciting an altercation. However, ten points to Slytherin for perseverance. Good night, Miss Parkinson. I believe you still have your rounds to complete." He turned his back to her.
Pansy nodded, "Alright, thank you." She said as she headed toward the door. "I appreciate your time sir. Good night." She said before she left. "Really. Thank you." She said once more before she left.